Lucy Meets Jekyll and Hyde

Farewell

2009-10-20T14:16:00.002-05:00

As much as I have enjoyed having this blog, it is unfortunately time for me to say my goodbyes to the blogging community. Jekyll and I have split up for good. He turned out to be a spineless asshole in the end. I've met someone who's just about perfect, but he's just vanilla enough to probably not appreciate the fact that I keep a spanking blog. (But for the record, I'm still getting spanked. ;) I also don't have the time to properly maintain a blog and it doesn't seem right to just give my readers sporadic updates. I'll probably still read blogs from time to time but I think it's time to officially end my blogging career if only for the time being. I've enjoyed my time here and wish you all the best. Happy Spanking!

~ Lucy

It turns out I haven't fallen off the face of the planet.

2009-08-02T01:00:00.003-05:00

First of all, I'd like to apologize for the fact that I haven't updated in so long. I started dealing with finals at school and then I got caught up in all of life's wonderful little dramas and haven't visited the blogosphere except once or twice. I've sat down so many times in the last few months to write about what happened in March but for some reason I haven't been able to write the story. I get distracted or bored or something and inevitably stop writing before I've even finished with the background information, but it's currently 2:00am and I'm in a weird mood so I'm going to try this again.

Jekyll and I officially decided to give it another shot. We talked a lot of things through on the phone and decided that we might actually make it this time. We discussed everything from the fact that he wasn’t as kinky as I am to the fact that we were both still virgins. We also discussed things that aren’t sexual like plans for finishing college/grad school and where this is going. We decided that I was going to drive up to (city) and that I would stay with him for the weekend. We had tentatively planned to have sex, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready and was incredibly nervous.

By the time I got into town I was a nervous wreck. I was excited to see him and, for some unknown reason, scared about losing my virginity. I still don’t know why. I knew it wouldn’t hurt (My vibrator is larger than the average penis.), but I was worried that it would be too intimate for me to handle. I had a feeling that he would be gentle and for whatever reason I needed him to take control especially the first time.

I pulled up to his apartment and he came out to greet me with one of his friends in tow. He had a meeting that he was expected to make an appearance at so we got into my car and followed his friend to a coffee shop. As we were driving he casually reached over and put his hand between my legs. He teased me on the way over, and after a brief stop we went to the mall to pick up movie tickets. We met a friend of ours from high school and wandered around the mall and chatted. We finally broke away with some excuse about going to pick up liquor. I actually thought we going to go get liquor. I figured that whatever was going to happen would happen later that night. He told me that he’d rather go back to his apartment and I finally caught on to what he actually had in mind.

It wasn’t long before we were fooling around on the bed. He had a condom and didn’t seem all that interested in foreplay. I tried to convince him to slow down a little, but unfortunately he knows just how to make me desperate. He fingered me roughly for a few minutes, and I was all but begging him to take me. I started to have second thoughts once he’d put the condom on, but I agreed rather quickly. It only lasted a few minutes was awkward and sweet. I didn’t want to go anywhere afterwards but he had already bought movie tickets and we were getting phone calls from everyone trying to figure out where we were. We got dressed and went to the movies.

Later that night we came back to his apartment. We started fooling around and it wasn’t long before I was bratting and wiggling my butt at him. He put me over his knee and gave me a good smack. He had told me that he was much stronger now than he was in high school, but I didn’t believe it until that moment. It hurt! He gave me a few more spanks but seemed more interested in the box of condoms on his nightstand. We had sex twice more that night and both improved considerably. He was exhausted afterwards and wanted to go to sleep. I was still kind of antsy and didn’t want to stay still. I whined a little, and he grabbed his belt, which was lying on the floor next to the bed and told me to roll over. I complied and was rewarded with a sharp snap from his belt. After the second stroke I started to struggle. I hadn’t been spanked in a while and he wasn’t exactly being gentle. He put his other hand in the small of my back and continued spanking me until my ass was bright red and I was yelping a little. When he finally let me up I immediately started rubbing my bottom.
“That hurt!” I complained.

Which was met with a reply of, “Good, now go to sleep.”

I had calmed down and was ready to go sleep at this point. I curled up against him and enjoyed the way it felt to have him pressed up against my sore bottom.

This all happened in the middle of March and life has taken some very strange turns since then. But I’m starting to get drowsy and my dog keeps barking and refuses to be consoled so I’ll have to save the rest of the last few months for another sleepless night.

Happy Valentines Day!

2009-02-17T20:48:00.002-06:00

So life has been incredibly stressful lately. Between work, school, and making sure that I have the right GPA, job experience, internships, etc. to get into grad school I'm losing my mind. Jekyll and I are talking on a daily basis, but he is still far away and I have not seen him since the end of December. Our relationship or whatever you want to call it is currently on hold until something changes because he still technically has a girlfriend.

I did something that I guess you could classify as stupid on Saturday night. What it was is irrelevant, but in retrospect it wasn't the best decision I ever made. Jekyll was incredibly pissed that I endangered myself and for the first time I was actually glad I was too far away for him to reach. I think he's still pissed and I have no doubt that if I see him in the next month or two he will do everything in his power to make me regret what I did. (Translation: I won't have an ass left after he gets through with me) I liked that he was so concerned, but honestly I didn't think it was that big of a deal nor did anyone else who found out.

I bought myself a new vibrator for Valentines Day because I killed my old one. ;)

Alright, I've got two papers to bullshit my way through. Wish me luck!

There's something to corsets and horror...

2009-01-18T19:43:00.002-06:00

(A note to my readers, this is my last retroactive post. The last three posts did not happen as close together as they were posted.)

So yeah, I saw Jekyll at the end of December. (I’m still behind on my blog updates, but at least I’m updating on a semi-regular basis.) He was still with the “other girl” and we had planned to hang out while I was in town.
I drove halfway across the country two days after Christmas through some snow that was so bad I couldn’t even see the taillights in front of me. By the time I got to my destination I had been in my car for about fourteen hours. It was fairly late at night and I had no plans to see anyone. I was staying with my parents, and I was planning on going to sleep and dealing with normal grooming rituals in the morning. I looked awful. I went to the grocery store for the necessities I somehow forgot to pack. I called Jekyll to let him know that I had arrived in one piece and to make plans for the following day. He invited me to go to the local 24-hour Wal-Mart with him and his friend. I must have been crazy because I agreed and rushed home to shower and find the perfect “Don’t you regret losing me?” outfit. I finally settled on jeans, a fitted t-shirt, and my leather jacket. It wasn’t quite drop-dead gorgeous, but it was pretty good for living out of a suitcase. Needless to say I was obsessing over what it would be like to see him again.
When he and his friend pulled into my parent’s driveway and I saw him it wasn’t weird at all. I climbed into the backseat and greeted them. It was too cold and icy to get out of the car so it prevented an awkward greeting. His friend was the stereotypical, dorky nerd. This guy was totally clueless. He and Jekyll discussed computers and Anime while I smiled and nodded. It was almost reassuring in some odd way that he didn’t make a huge effort to put me on the spot. We wandered around the deserted Wal-Mart and chatted. Although his friend kept rambling about video games and his car, Jekyll and I managed to get a few words in edgewise.
One thing I noticed right away was that I was incredibly comfortable around him. I hadn’t wanted to see him and originally had not planned to return home for that reason. (I’m attending college on the other side of the state.) But we fell back into our old patterns very quickly. Our conversation was filled with private jokes, finishing each other’s sentences, and sexual tension. Thankfully, Nerd was completely clueless. We walked and talked for about an hour. Jekyll and I had a built in chaperone that dominated the conversation, which was probably a good thing.
The next day Jekyll and I had planned to do something. We wound up at the mall (small town). As I was putting my car in park, a mutual friend, Utterson (another Jekyll and Hyde reference) pulled into the spot next to us with his girlfriend. I was officially back in high school. Somehow we ended up running into everyone Jekyll knew and some people I knew. The bottom line here is that Jekyll and I didn’t get to talk privately at all.
We had our first “real” conversation that afternoon. When I found out that I would indeed be seeing him, I planned to seduce him. I know, it wasn’t a smart idea or a morally acceptable idea, but I was lonely and horny. Plus his relationship was hanging by a thread. I realized that I couldn’t but we ended up talking about it anyway. He wasn’t going to cheat on HER, and I felt a little guilty.
We ended up seeing each other again several days later. He came over to my parent’s house to say hi to my family. We ended up in my sister’s old room watching movies on his laptop. He seemed to have relaxed a little and admitted that he had missed me and couldn’t believe that I was back. I noticed an Anime picture on his screen saver depicting two angels. One of them had the other one on a leash. I commented on it and he told me that just because he had suppressed “that” side of himself it didn’t mean it was gone. We started talking about some of our exploits. He informed me that he was stronger now from manual labor and had become more sadistic. He slapped the bed we were sitting on to demonstrate. I think that was when I lost it. I wanted to be spanked so badly I could taste it. I leaned away from him and lifted my ass slightly in order to make an easier target. He refused to lay a hand on me. He promised that he would at some point but that until he had actually broken up with HER he would even give me one slap.
I continued to whine a little and he sternly told me to sit up. I couldn’t believe it; he was playing the dominant role I had always wanted him to play. We continued to watch movies and chat but every once in a while when the conversation would get sexual I would roll over and offer my ass, and he would hit the bed as hard as he could to tease me. To his credit he survived the evening without giving into his baser urges.
We talked hypothetically about the fact that he was going to need to move out of his apartment soon. He said that he might be moving to another city that was within driving distance of my college.
My head was spinning. I had sworn that I would never let him get to me again, but I had fallen for him again (or maybe it was that I didn’t get my way). I finally dropped him off at his apartment after a night of torture for both of us.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In retrospect it wasn’t the smartest thing I’ve ever done and Jekyll and I have been in contact ever since. He is currently planning on moving to a closer city (for reasons unrelated to me) and we have made plans to “finish what we started.” I honestly don’t know what will happen. He won’t be able to move for a few more months, and although he has grown up significantly since I last saw him, I still don’t know if I can see us together in the long run. I also can’t stop thinking about the last time we were together. He kept promising to visit but never did. I realize there were circumstances beyond his control, but I still blame him on some level for things that he wasn’t at ALL responsible for. I’ve been overanalyzing the whole situation lately.

Life is a strange thing...

2009-01-11T17:43:00.000-06:00

I had an interesting night the other day. I had just finished working a nine-hour shift when Simon called me. He was home from college and his parents had gone out for the evening. Still delirious from work I allowed him to talk me into going over to his house. I had never been to his house and I’m not good with the major highways in my area. If you get on the wrong one you’re not getting off until you’re in the nearby major metropolitan area which scare the shit out of me, especially late at night. I got lost, of course, and kept him on the phone for directions. About five minutes before I finally got there his parents returned home. He got pissed because he couldn’t play and I was still scared shitless and swearing. We got into a fight and I kept driving toward his house, in what had turned into horrific fog. I had convinced him to Mapquest directions for me to get back home afterwards. I arrived at his house a little unsure of what I was doing. He invited me in and we decided to go to the mall. He yelled up the stairs to his mom that he was going out with his friend Lucy.
“Is she one of your friends from (bondage club in the area)?”
“No, Mom, she’s just a friend.”
They proceeded to have a loud argument about the weather and his health. (I don’t think she knew that I was standing in her living room.)
I was still shook up about what had happened and was shocked at the contempt in the voice of a woman who had never even met me. People usually assume that I’m every bit as young and innocent as I look. I make a great first impression and have never had a male friend of mine’s mother not start planning our wedding soon after meeting me. I realize that she never met me, but I don’t think it would have mattered. She assumed that I shared her son’s kink and that was enough to make me dangerous and promiscuous. The whole thing just rubbed me the wrong way. (And he was acting a little like a spoiled five-year-old) We left his house and had an argument about which car to take. By the time we finally got into his car I had lost it completely. We ended up shouting at each other and I got into my car and drive home feeling like an idiot. We made up over the phone the next day and returned to our normal friendship.
I haven’t seen him since as I am in the process of moving half way across the country. I believe I wrote that I was moving shortly before Jekyll and I broke up. Well, I’m moving back. I have seen Jekyll recently and there’s a looooooong story there that I’m too tired to type right now. I promise once I get settled in I’ll update you on seeing Jekyll and what I’m doing now.
I have to say that I’ve been doing stupid, reckless things lately and quite frankly, it scares me. I’ve been a responsible adult for a while now. Most people assume I’m much older than I am even though I look much younger. I’m used to having authority and people treating me like I’m an adult. I should not be acting like a stupid kid. Don’t get me wrong; I’m glad that I’m going back to college. Although I was incredibly good at the line of work I’ve been in for the last year, I couldn’t do it as a career. Yes, I could make a lot of money eventually as I climbed the ladder, but I can only handle so much stress. And let’s face it, working in a service industry meaning letting people walk all over you. I may be a masochist but I don’t take shit from strangers very well. I honestly don’t like being yelled at in general. I tend to tuck my tail between my legs and run when people yell at me (figuratively speaking of course). We’ll have to wait and see what happens. I’m not a patient person by nature so it will be interesting to see how I deal with the next couple of months.

Simon Stride: the rest of the story

2009-01-05T16:16:00.000-06:00

(The following actually happened a couple of weeks ago now, but the holidays have kept me away from a private Internet connection and my blog. I have written several updates that will be posted over the next couple of days)

Simon and I met up again the other day. We met at a different mall that was actually a little less of a drive for him. It’s one of the largest malls in the state and was therefore very crowded a week before Christmas. I don’t go to the mall on a regular basis so I got horribly lost on the way there. After much swearing on the phone with him and my parents I finally got there.
We met inside and my butterflies were once again in full swing. We had planned in advance to play and I knew for certain that this day would end in me wrong end up. We walked around the mall and chatted, but my butterflies were making me snappy and for some reason he was getting on my nerves. I had to work that afternoon so I suggested we head out to his car after about twenty minutes of wandering. We went across the street to a small strip mall that had an underground parking garage that I knew would be empty even right before Christmas.
The whole way over I was still in shock. I tend to get nervous and slip into a state of disbelief right before I engage in any sort of spanking related activity. We finally got situated in a quiet corner of the parking garage. There was no one else down there, hell, someone was using the area to winter his boat so I was confident that we were safe.
We got into the back seat and I went over his knee willingly. He began to warm me up with gentle slaps. I could feel it much better without the sequined jeans and he had come prepared. Once my ass was warm and I was starting to squirm a little he reached for the hairbrush he had brought with him. He began to give me a moderate spanking that grew in intensity. He slid his hand under my ponytail and grabbed a handful of hair forcing my head back while he punished my ass with that hairbrush. I was in heaven. Just when I began to really struggle in pain he stopped spanking and started massaging. He continued this pattern with gentle bites to my back and ass until I was writhing over his knee moaning and yelping half from pain and half from pleasure.
Just when I was completely relaxed and oblivious to the world I heard him swear, “Oh, shit!” Needless to say I jumped off his lap only to see several males in their mid twenties pushing stacks of chairs right next to the car and watching me get spanked. Simon jumped into the drivers seat while I hid my face. We drove to the exit as fast as we could and paid for parking instead of going into one of the stores to get coffee and our parking validated. He kept apologizing and finally said, “You know this was your fault.”
“How the hell was it my fault?”
“You’re so damn sexy when you’re struggling and you kept making these little noises…”
“You still should have been paying attention to your surroundings.”
We were both a little scared (although I was still riding an endorphin high) so he dropped me off at my car and I drove to work praying that I never heard anymore about this incident. Thankfully, the guys who caught us seemed more amused than anything else. The part that bothered me was that they had probably been watching for a little while before Simon noticed them, and I can never go back to the strip mall again.
Simon kept apologizing and I finally forgave him. At this point it’s a funny memory. But I have to say that I will be a little more skittish about fooling around in cars from now on.

Simon Stride

2008-11-20T02:49:00.002-06:00

Well, believe it or not I actually engaged in human interaction yesterday for the first time in a long time. I've been communicating with someone I met on Fetlife for about a week and a half now and we decided to meet in a fairly vanilla setting. We'll call him Simon Stride in keeping with the Jekyll and Hyde character theme. Simon and I met at a local mall. I was incredibly nervous to be meeting someone off the internet plus I've had some personal things going on lately so needless to say I was about as wound up as humanly possible.

We literally walked around the mall for two hours just talking. When we agreed to meet we had not intended to play on my insistence, but considering how long it's been since I've been spanked I was hoping that I would be comfortable enough to let him spank me by the time the night was over. We got along pretty well and ultimately wound up in my car. If you've ever played in a parking lot in the back seat of a car you know it's not the best place to play. For one thing, it's hard for the spanker to get a good range of movement, plus the odds of being discovered are fairly high.

After a little while of talking we got into the back seat and I went over his knee. I decided to keep my jeans on which is one of the reasons I am having trouble sitting right now. I had forgotten how nice it is to get a hand spanking. Because of the position we were in every time he spanked me it drove me forward on his leg. I'd never really understood how women could orgasm from a spanking but I finally get it now. It's not so much the pain as the motion.

He was very gentle and sweet, which for some odd reason was not what I was hoping for. I guess part of it is that I am moving soon and gentle and sweet are qualities that cause me to get attached to someone. Anyway, I was in a frame of mind where I really just wanted pain. Seeing as I didn't have any implements in my car he finally ended up taking off his belt at my insistence. I couldn't really feel it through my jeans so when he suggested using the other end of the belt I agreed. Jekyll and I played with his belt frequently and I am well aware of the fact that such activity usually results in bruising. I had forgotten that the pain is usually deeper and not as immediately apparent. I encouraged him to really let me have it. I felt very little pain and don't think I realized that damage was actually being done. Thankfully we finally stopped due to the other cars moving in and out of the parking garage. About five minutes later as we walked back into the mall to get dinner, I realized that it hurt much more than I had originally thought. I also realized that I would have a bruise. We eventually went our separate ways and I arrived home and examined my poor ass. There were definitely early signs of bruising.

Now I realize that there are many things in this post that should have been done differently, (We shouldn't have played in a parking lot, should have known better than to play with the metal end of a belt especially when the damage could not be seen due to jeans, etc.) but to be honest I rather enjoyed myself. Like I mentioned earlier I've been incredibly stressed lately, and this whole thing acted as a nice stress buster if nothing else. Plus the ache in my ass should keep me pretty calm for the next few days.

I will probably see him again over Christmas break before I move. I'll be sure to keep you posted.

Lucy

The Tease

2008-09-27T22:11:00.004-05:00

Wow, has it really been two months? I suppose I could start making excuses, I've been sick, I'm single, I haven't been spanked in over a year, etc. but I'll spare you the pity party. I have a story in my head but I can't seem to convince it to come out onto paper (or a word document) in a coherent fashion.

The song below is from a little know rock band that I found on itunes. They're a good band, and some of the lyrics are cool too. The last line is probably my favorite. Now all I need is someone to say it to me...

I swear I'll have a decent, intellectually stimulating post up sometime in the next week.

"The Tease"
Evans Blue

Hold your hands into the sky
Pray for mercy, instead of time
Big cities' action of my big city girl
Think she builds her own heaven
Cause she finds it's a lonesome world
Filled with dirty street cars and dirty signs
I hope there comes a time when
I get to see your dirty mind

Hold your hands into the sky
Pray for mercy, instead of time
Low budget movies, change our low budget lives
Theres something to corsets and horror that joins our lonesome minds
And these bloody faces with their bloody knives
Say if we ever make it
We'll be so bloody tired (of these times)

Hold your hands into the sky
Pray for mercy, instead of time
You are the massacre, the masochist, the tease
And you're captivating , standing in front of me

Is the reason, I'm still wondering why everyone we loved has broke away

Hold your hands into the sky
Pray for mercy, instead of time
You are the massacre, the masochist, the tease
And you're captivating, standing in front of me
Hold your hand into the sky
Pray for mercy, instead of time

So be my massacre, be my masochist, be my tease
Cause you captivate me when you stand in front of me

Maybe she's born with it...

2008-07-26T23:52:00.004-05:00

I just found this article and it confirms what I think a lot of us believe. We're just born with it. I've read so many blog posts from people who remember be excited by spankings before they knew what "being excited" was. I remember reading a book series about the childhoods of famous Americans just because many of them contained spanking scenes. I knew what a was tawse was before I'd even heard the letters S&M put together. I remember a story about young Ben Franklin getting spanked with a hairbrush that was quite descriptive.

I remember the first time I heard about S&M; I was probably about 12 or 13 and had read a far side cartoon that I was trying to describe it to my mother. Apparently I wasn't describing it very well because she assumed that it was kinky and immediately told me that it wasn't a good cartoon and was about S&M which was a very evil thing. I continued to believe that S&M was evil (although I didn't really understand what it entailed) but never saw the connection to my interest in spanking.

I began to lose interest about that same time as I experienced my first "boyfriend" and my first kiss. Like any other young adolescent girl I wanted to have a boyfriend to brag about to my friends, hold hands, and kiss once in a while. It never even occurred to me that my interest in spanking was remotely sexual. I also got severely depressed and started cutting around the time I hit puberty.

It wasn't until the insident with Jack around the time I was 16 that I realized sex and spanking could be related. And I was about 17 or 18 before I worked up the guts to even google the phrase.

If anyone has any thoughts on the subject of "the spanking gene" or a link to the actual study feel free to leave a comment.

Why We Do What We Do

2008-07-14T21:02:00.002-05:00

It’s not just about pain. It’s about trust. It’s about knowing that someone can take you to the breaking point and back safely. It’s about endorphins and adrenaline. It’s about domination, submission, sex, tenderness, roughness, and pain. It’s about being forced to focus on something purely physical, being required to acknowledge that one doesn’t have or need to have all of the answers. It’s about self-denial. It’s about being able to tell what someone else needs from you. It’s about loving someone enough to give them what they need and not what they want. It’s about seeing the whole world suddenly narrow down to nothing but pain and pleasure. It’s about being forced to go farther than you ever thought you could. It’s about brutal honesty. It’s about life.

Pain

2008-07-06T00:50:00.004-05:00

Jekyll called me earlier to tell me that he is dating one of our mutual friends from high school. She's totally vanilla, and I'm jealous. I've had this sick feeling in my stomach for the last couple of hours. I know we've been apart for a while and he's dated since then, but it's... just the thought of him with her. I knew she had feelings for him but...

Life just isn't fair.

The Threshold

2008-06-15T22:11:00.003-05:00

You find yourself at the beginning of a long hallway. There are doors going all of the way down the hall At the end of the hallway sits an empty doorway. A sign above it reads,

"There are some pleasures that mankind was never meant to experience. As long as you never cross this threshold you will be content. But once you cross, you'll never be content with normalcy again. If you are reading this you are obviously fascinated with what lies beyond this doorway. If you enter, you can't return and pretend it never happened. You will have experienced acceptance. You are no longer seen by those around you as a freak but normal."

You stand staring at the doorway. People walk by and shake their heads. One passerby yells,"Get lost, perv." You take a deep breath and step over the threshold.

~Lucy

The Lesson

2008-06-08T00:58:00.004-05:00

Alright, here it is. My first piece of fiction. Feedback is appreciated. Hopefully as time goes on I'll get better, but I think it's a decent start.

THE LESSON

She jumped into his arms the second he got off the plane. It had been several months since they had last seen each other and she had missed him terribly. He hugged her back and let his hand slide down to her bottom and tapped it once to remind her why he was here. They were both silent on the drive back to the apartment.
As soon as the apartment door closed behind them she threw her arms around him and kissed him passionately. He firmly untangled himself from her. “We need to have a talk. I had to fly out here to punish you and I’m going to do that before either of us receives any pleasure.”
She bowed her head, chastened, and waited for his instructions.
“We both know that I’ve never given you a real punishment spanking before, but you can rest assured that you will be spanked to tears both tonight and tomorrow night. You have been putting yourself and our relationship in danger and I won’t have it. You drove home from a party drunk and your grades have been slipping. I partially blame myself for being to soft on you last time, so I won’t make that mistake again!”
She had started to sniffle at this point. Although she knew the spanking would hurt more than any other spanking ever had, she was glad to see him and was glad that he cared enough to punish her. He pulled down her jeans and panties and ordered her to step out of them. He then sent her to retrieve her wooden hairbrush. When she returned he pulled her across his knee and delivered twenty hard swats to each cheek with his hand. She whimpered and yelped a little but didn’t move. Her bottom was pink when he picked up her hairbrush. He concentrated on the spot where her thighs met her bottom. He knew she hated being spanked there because it hurt so much. He spanked her until her cheeks were a deep crimson and she was sobbing.
“I’m so sorry.” She sobbed.
“I know, but you have to learn that this isn’t acceptable behavior. I realize that you don’t like dealing with a long distance relationship, but we both know it wouldn’t make sense for me to quit my job and move here early. I’m getting the transfer in only two more months and the wedding is in six months.” He accented the word wedding with a particularly harsh blow to her left thigh. He put down the brush and began to stroke her bright red bottom. “Honey, why are you doing this to yourself?”
She began to whimper before quietly replying, “I just miss you. I miss everything about you, your touch, and the way we cuddle after you spank me. I hate it that you’re so far away all of the time.”
He gently picked her up and set her on his lap. She squirmed and tried to get comfortable. “Sweetie, I love you so much and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you but we both need to be patient.”
She continued to squirm and soon felt her erection poke into her tender backside. “What happened to being patient?” she giggled through her tears.
“I’ve been patient since I got off that plane,” he growled. He rolled her gently onto the bed and began to kiss her passionately. She tore at the zipper on his jeans while he teased her nipples through her shirt. She moaned and reached into his jeans extracting his throbbing member. He fucked her hard and fast until they were both panting and satisfied.
“Only two more months, right?” She whispered.
“Right.”

Yeah, Yeah, I know I haven't posted in a while....

2008-04-02T22:07:00.003-05:00

I think about this blog on a regular basis. I have several fiction pieces to write and a non-fiction piece. However, right now in real life I barely have time to do my laundry let alone keep up with a blog. I'm not going to quit blogging, but it may be another month before I post a solid post. Plus I'm single and don't have time to meet guys ( I'm also too shy to go anywhere that will Guarantee me spanko guys.) I just realized that I haven't been spanked in seven months! I really need to get my backside warmed.

On a completely unrelated note, I've met this guy who reminds me of an old friend of mine. He's cute, funny, and charming, but he can be a total prick. Let's call my old friend Jack. Jack toyed with my emotions for about a year in high school. We were best friends, but I had a crush on him. He knew it and used it to his advantage. I can't tell you how many nights I cried myself to sleep because of him. I was never good enough. I didn't dress like a girl, I dressed too slutty, I was too fat, too chesty, not chesty enough. He could be the world's greatest guy one minute and the greatest prick the next. Anyway, I guess you could say that he was a part of my discovering my love of spanking. We were joking around one evening and he snapped a belt at my leg. I don't think he thought it would hit me but it did. It was excruciatingly painful and pleasurable at the same time. I had the biggest bruise I've ever had in my life on my leg for weeks, but I didn't care. Jack and I still talk every once in a while. I actually haven't seen him in a few years. Anyway this new guy, "Greg," reminds me of Jack with his subtle putdowns and superior airs. He's a great guy but if I'm honest yes I do like him and he's a douche. The problem is that I think I'm blowing him out of proportion. I don't want another dysfunctional relationship like Jack, but if is mostly in my head, I hate to call him on it. Anyway, that's not really spanking related, but it's what's going on in my life.

One last thing. I have a friend who's going to England and I need a new brush. I know I want a Mason Pearson, anyway, but can anyone recommend a model for spanking. I was thinking wood, but I know the other ones are sturdy too. I just hate to break a $200 hairbrush playing spanking games at some point in the future.

"Scars In The Making"
FUEL

Do you ever see
These shadows over me
And all the things you left that leave me hollow
Do you ever feel
In time we're forced to heal
And all the bitter pills you made me swallow

All undone
All unsung and left to fall

Every memory that I hold
Were all just scars in the making
And all the things we can't let go
Were all just scars in the making

Somewhere left behind
Is another perfect line
One that makes you turn and helps you follow
But I could never say
And I could never sway
I could never bring you to beg or borrow

I could never make you fall
Or anything at all
And I'll never understand
What you hold sacred

There's no way you could ever try
There's no way you could ever hide
Maybe someday you will wonder why

Do you ever see
The shadows over me
And all the things you left that leave me hollow

Happy Valentines Day? :(

2008-02-13T23:23:00.006-06:00

I really need to make a decent post and I swear it's coming. First and most importantly, Jekyll and I broke up a few weeks ago. We both knew it was coming since we haven't seen each other in six months and there's no chance of being together anytime soon. We're both still fairly young and can't afford have to work on a long distance relationship as poor college students with no money for airfare. I'm stressed and there's no one here to spank me. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow, but at least I'll be in classes and working all day. Sorry for the short post.

Lucy

The Fantasy
30 Seconds to Mars

With the lights out it’s a little less dangerous
Even with a stranger never gets painless
Don’t be afraid

Every time I think I’m gonna change it
It’s driving me insane

Do you live, do you die, do you bleed
For the fantasy
In your mind, through your eyes, do you see
It’s the fantasy

Maybe tonight we can forget about it all
It could be just like heaven
I am a machine
No longer living, just a shell of what I dreamed

Do you live, do you die, do you bleed
For the fantasy
In your mind, through your eyes, do you see
It’s the fantasy

Do you live, do you die, do you bleed
For the fantasy
Automatic, I imagine, I believe

Do you live
Do you die
Do you bleed
For the fantasy

Christmas Time

2007-12-23T18:55:00.000-06:00

Well, I'm finally home for Christmas. I'll make a longer post soon but I just thought I'd let everyone know I'm still alive. I never got to see Jekyll and I haven't been able to talk to him lately. Hope everyone has a very merry Christmas!

Tough Decisions

2007-11-28T00:28:00.000-06:00

First of all, Happy Thanksgiving. I had a great Thanksgiving and got to see my family (but not Jekyll).

Having said that, Jekyll and I seem to have been drifting apart. Not only is there a distance problem but I'm discovering that his fascination with DD/S&M/etc. is far less than I originally thought. I'm finding out that he's "cookies and cream" (not vanilla but not quite hardcore). He says that it doesn't bother him that spanking and sexual arousal pretty much go hand-in-hand for me, but I can't imagine that he won't someday tire of all of this. Don't get me wrong, he likes spanking me and I know that he was fascinated by spanking before he even met me, but he has to be in the right mood to want to play rough. I pretty much always want to play rough.

I've also realized that we will have a long distance relationship until we breakup or shack up (rhyme intended). Basically, we won't live near each other again unless one of us moves to where the other one is. Our families no longer live in the same state or even nearby states, so being near one another would mean a huge sacrifice/commitment. I'm worried about the future of our relationship. I have a sinking feeling in my stomach that it won't work out in the long run, but I still love him and want to be with him. To be honest I kinda thought we'd wind up getting married after college. I'm terrified of losing him, but I don't see the point of dragging it out under these circumstances if we don't end up together. I'm tired and confused and I miss him terribly. I just want to be turned over his knee, spanked soundly, and then cuddled until we both fall asleep. He keeps telling me that he'll visit before Christmas vacation, but to be honest I don't think it will work out.

On a completely unrelated note, I "came out" to one of my friends tonight. I was telling her about some of the other issues in our relationship and decided that I was tired of talking around the issue of my "sexual preference." I suspected that she wouldn't be shocked and had a suspicion about her and her boyfriend. Our conversation was interrupted but I'm pretty sure she's been spanked (if only playfully) and she didn't seem bothered by my confession at all. It was nice to be able to talk to someone about it and not have to hide.

One last note, I'm about halfway through a short story that I hope to publish on here fairly soon.

Too many activities, too little time

2007-10-19T22:54:00.000-05:00

So apparently college life and an absent boyfriend aren't exactly a good enviroment for starting a spanking blog. I really want to start writing fiction, but I can't find the time. I just bought Shadow Lane IX (It was the only book that Borders had in stock. I didn't feel comfortable placing a special order. ;) and so far it's been great. Ever since I was little I've written short works of fiction (Some of which was plagerized from Spot the dog books). Though my writing abilities aren't what they could be I know with a little practice and time and (here's the real problem) the ability to follow through with a project, I could be a good writer. Anyway, until such time, I have several songs on my i-tunes that relate to submission and spanking or BDSM. I'll post lyrics once in a while. Just a brief warning I like hard rock...I'm still in my early twenties after all. Pain by Three Days Grace has actually become quite popular in mainstream music but I think most people aren't paying any attention to the lyrics. When I hear this song I imagine someone helping someone else deal with emotional pain by allowing them to feel their pain physically.

"Pain"
Three Days Grace

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

You're sick of feeling numb
You're not the only one
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand
This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn't work
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out you will understand

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Anger and agony
Are better than misery
Trust me I've got a plan
When the lights go off you will understand

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing
Rather feel pain

I know (I know I know I know I know)
That you're wounded
You know (You know you know you know you know)
That I'm here to save you
You know (You know you know you know you know)
I'm always here for you
I know (I know I know I know I know)
That you'll thank me later

Pain, without love
Pain, can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain

A Million MIles Away

2007-10-05T21:29:00.000-05:00

I found out that Jekyll won't be able to make it to my college anytime soon. It's a complicated situation, but, to make a long story short, he doesn't have a car. I've been really homesick the last couple of days, and knowing I can't see him until Thanksgiving (and maybe not even then) doesn't help. Plus my family is not within driving distance so I can't really go home for the weekend.

On a brighter note, Jekyll has definitely become more dominant. At one point when I would do something that made him mad he'd get all pissy. Now he gets stern and scolds me. I wish I could make a long post about something important or interesting, but between being homesick and my depression, I'm too worn out.

Lucy

Control

2007-09-30T00:15:00.002-05:00

Control
Puddle of Mudd

I love the way you look at me
I feel the pain you place inside
Lock me up inside ya dirty cage
While Im alone inside my mind

I like to teach you all the rules
Id get to see them set in stone
I like it when you chain me to the bed
There ya secrets never shone

I need to feel you
You need to feel me
I cant control you
Youre not the one for me, no

I cant control you
You cant control me
I need to feel you
So whys it involve

I love the way you rape my skin
I feel the hate you place inside
I need to get your voice out of my head
Cause Im the guy youll never find

Im faking all of the rules
Theres no expressions on your face
Im hoping some day you will let me go
Release me from my dirty cage

I love the way you look at me
I love the way you smack my ass
I love the dirty things you do
I have control of you

A Long Distance Punishment

2007-09-26T23:26:00.000-05:00

Jekyll has not been feeling well the last couple of days and had promised to give me a "talking to" (aka phone sex) this evening at 9pm. Well, I got horny and impatient and called him around 8 instead. He scolded me and informed me that as a punishment for disrespecting him today by trying to force him to have phone sex and for not behaving when I talked to him while he was with his friends the other day, I would not receive any pleasure. This shocked me and made me want him even more. He stood his ground nd told me that I needed to learn my lesson. He also informed me that I won't be able to think about sitting after he next visits. He really surprised me. Normally if I push him when he's not in the mood, he snaps at me and then apologizes. This time he just took away my "talking to." I did feel kind of like a kid when he took away a promised treat. Despite not getting what I wanted, I'm quite happy right now. Jekyll made it quite clear tonight that he is taking me in hand. I just wish he was here with me...

Do You Believe in Love (like I believe in pain)?

2007-09-26T17:14:00.000-05:00

Last night I was browsing some spanko blogs and somehow wound up on a BDSM personal ad site. Being naturally curious I looked for male tops looking for female bottoms in my area. Just about every guy on that site had a picture of his dick as his user pic. I've never been one to go looking for pictures of penises. I don't find them that atractive unless they are attached to a man I love. All of these guys on first glance appeared to be horny, desperate, and willing to play with anyone or anything. There were very few guys looking for a strictly hetero relationship. I'm not saying that people don't end up meeting their soul mate on a site like this, but it was all too "in your face" for me. I can't imagine already having seen a guy naked before the first date. Besides, I'm guessing most people are looking for intercourse as well as other forms of play. To be honest, Jekyll and I are still virgins (by that I mean we've done EVERYTHING but intercourse and anal). We're still fairly young and we decided to wait for the time being. (although that could change fairly soon ;) I guess all of this just made me realize that even if Jekyll never becomes a strict disciplinarian; I'll still love him. Besides, I don't think I'd feel comfortable meeting a guy from the internet in person (even a vanilla site). For me, letting Jekyll have control is a sign of trust. I wouldn't feel comfortable letting someone I just met have that kind of control over me.

"Because Of Me" lyrics
Seether

Here she comes again
She's feeling like she's already won
I believe it's gonna end again, all for naught
My philosophy is things are just as wrong as they seem
I believe it's gonna end this way, atrocity
Do you believe in love
Like I believe in pain
Nobody died for you, somebody pray for me

When you see me cut me down
And I will force it underground
There's no one left to hurt but me
And it's because of me, right?

There he walks away
He's feeling like he's having them on
I believe he's gonna bend again
And all for naught
My philosophy is things are just as wrong as they seem
I've gotta get you off of me, it's such an oddity
Do you believe in love
Like I believe in pain
Nobody died for you
Somebody pray for me
I want to see you suffer
Suffer

Psychology, Spanking, and Selfharm

2007-09-23T13:47:00.000-05:00

I know that there is some controversy over whether the movie Secretary is an accurate picture of a spanko. While I know that many spankos never dealt with the things that Lee experienced, that movie could have been my life. I have been cutting since I was 12, but unlike Lee I'm not naturally submissive. I'm headstrong and I tend to make selfdestructive decisions in other areas of life as well, which is one reason that I want Jekyll to use punishment spankings. His biggest problem aside from not wanting to "control me," is that he can't deliver a long, severe spanking. He starts to feel like he's hurting me and being violent about the time I'm starting to jump and yelp. I've told him that I want him to hold me down and keep spanking. He's gotten better at delivering a few extra swats, but he has a fear of violence in general. He tends to bottle up his emotions and would never take me over his knee in anger. I have to admitt that I have bratted in an attempt to make him do this, but he just becomes frustrated and it results in an argument instead of a spanking.

Anyway, back to the cutting thing, at this point I only do it every couple of months to relieve stress. I'm trying to quit, and a good spanking gives me the same stress relief. I've asked Jekyll to help me quit but in addition to not wanting to hurt me, he doesn't want to make me cry. I rarely cry and when I do it's something stupid like a movie. It's very hard for me to cry when I'm stressed or sad. I've explained to him that I need this but he's afraid. He's also very frustrated because he wants to help but can't actually bring himself to finish what he starts in that respect. I think part of the problem on my side is the fact that we've spent almost every day together for the last two years and now we're seeing each other every other month or so. Thank goodness for phone sex/spankings!

Welcome to my cyberspace

2007-09-22T19:30:00.000-05:00

Hi, my name is Lucy and I'm a spanko. I live in the US and I'm currently in college. My boyfriend, Jekyll, lives in the same state but he's attending another school. We're still adjusting to our long distance relationship. We discovered spanking about 2 years ago and my butt has been sore ever since. Our spanking relationship has always been erotic, but I am realizing that I want a DD lifestyle. Jekyll isn't sure about the idea though. He's always been very passive. I've been trying to draw Hyde out of him without much luck for a while now. Anybody have any ideas on how to help a man become more agressive?